As a new year approaches, your resolutions, however, sound the same. Save more money. Find a better job. See your family more often. And while all of those are admirable goals, why not make a resolution that benefits your body and your relationship? In fact, in 2014, why not pledge to have the best sex of your life?
You're only a few steps away from a happier, healthier sex life.continue....
Make pleasure, not orgasm, the goal: When you expect perfect results, you only set yourself up for disappointment. Better than expectations are intentions, clinical sexologists say. So instead of thinking, I expect to have an orgasm, think, I intend to have as many pleasurable experiences as possible this evening.
Spice up your pillow talk: Grunts and moans may make your point, but telling her want you want and how she makes you feel is a better way to make her temperature rise. It's sexy for her to hear your desires in bed, because you’re both in such an uninhibited state, researchers say.
Extend foreplay: Make out. Perform oral. Get her off. Finish. If this is what your typical charade in the sheets looks like, shake up your routine. The notion that women want foreplay, then sex, needs to be retired. Kissing, caressing, and breast play should take place throughout sex, researchers explain. This makes sense: a woman's mouth and neck are the third and fourth most erogenous zones on her body, according to a recent study, so pay extra attention to these sensitive spots during sex.
Discover her deepest desires: Turn her fantasies into reality by asking her a couple of not-so-innocent questions—like what she thinks about while she masturbates. Or, ask if there’s anything she's always wanted to try in bed, but was too embarrassed to admit. By asking directly, you're more likely to get an honest answer. And if you share your desires first, it takes the pressure to reciprocate off her shoulders, researchers say.
Have sex when you don't really feel like it: Never do anything you really don't want to do. However, relationships are about compromise, so if you're turning each other down more than turning on, you might consider some pro bono sex once in a while. It will go a long way in your relationship, because once a person feels neglected or rejected, he/she might stop trying to do all those things you like too.
Change of rules: Both partners should be equally active in bed? Now it's okay to relinquish all control sometimes — or to totally take over. Yes, both of you should be getting equal satisfaction from your sex life. But that doesn't mean that every time you make love it has to be exactly 50/50. After all, sometimes one of you is just too beat or burned-out to have the energy for a night of vigorous sex, but you can still lie back and have some fun.
The "Breath of Fire": Use this before or during lovemaking to get you in the mood or increase arousal, especially if you're having trouble reaching orgasm. There's no simpler way to oxygenate the blood, a process that increases sexual energy and elevates desire. Take rapid, rhythmic and shallow breaths through the nose. Keep your mouth closed. Breathe this way for one to three minutes.
Light up with pleasure: Turn off the lights, take a flashlight, and guide the glow to areas of your body that you want him to lick or rub. Start with your neck, ears, nipples — go wherever you want him to explore. Even if it's a nonsexual area like your back, he has to pay attention to that area until you stop shining the flashlight on it.
Try the "Spiral of Nines," a thrusting sequence that men have used to thrill their women for centuries. Develop a rhythm of varied thrusts — three shallow and one deep; then five shallow and one deep; seven shallow, one deep; and finally nine shallow and one eagerly anticipated full-bore thrust. Keep up the nine-to-one pattern until one of you reaches nirvana.
Keep her panties on: Back in high school, you probably had rules for how far you'd go: under the shirt, over the pants, and so on. Well, the teenage you was on to something. It can be pleasurable torture to play with each other over your underwear, teasing and stroking through the fabric, sex experts say. You're building up the anticipation, so when you finally do have skin-on-skin contact, it'll be that much more explosive and exciting.
Make adjustments: Frankly, the missionary position is the position least likely to bring a woman to climax. But there is a subtle adjustment you can make that can increase your chances of having an orgasm: the coital alignment technique, or CAT. Have your partner move his entire body up about two inches. Your partner's pubic bone will rest on top of yours so that the base of his penis presses on your clitoris. This position provides continuous stimulation of your clitoris during intercourse, increasing your chances of having an orgasm.